Yes, I Can!

BY JANICE MARIE WILSON

Every year over 795,000 people in the United States have a stroke. About 610,000 of these are new, and about 185,000—nearly one out of four—are those who have had a previous stroke. About 87% of all strokes are ischemic strokes, in which the blood flow to the brain is blocked.

After my mini-stroke three months ago, I would sit and stare at a blank page, wondering if I would ever be able to type another word. You see, I am one of those 610,000 people who have had a stroke. And now I am faced with rebuilding my life, one step at a time.  Can I do it?  Will I do it?  I genuinely don’t know!

Do I end up a statistic, a number on a page? Or do I transform my life into something even more amazing and extraordinary?  I’m not sure. Today I am looking at these blank pages burning holes through my retinas. To say I have writer’s block is stating the obvious. Finding my way to my desk is the hardest thing I have ever done. My fingers want to type the thoughts in my head… but it seems only gibberish makes it to the computer screen.

Writing is the love of my life. My reason for being has blurred. I have trouble focusing for two seconds to write a complete sentence on the page. I have trouble stringing five words together to complete a thought. You see, the stroke left the right side of my body semi-compromised. Even sitting in front of this keyboard is daunting.  I am humbled …  I am speechless … I am continually distracted.  I am struggling.

Yet, three words keep running through my mind. YES, I CAN. Once again, life is asking me to surrender as I eke out each word, one letter at a time. (Thank God for spell check!)

Writing has been my passport for life.  It has taken me all over the world and introduced me to the most amazing experiences. I just never realized that one day I would be faced with the fact that I wouldn’t be able to type a single word on a page that made sense. Now I am faced with reconnecting all my nerve synapses and relearning how to write and type. My thoughts are jumbled and sometimes disconnected … not a great testimonial to entice you to read what I have to say. But I am compelled to share this one thought with you— YES, I CAN.

To say I am excited about this learning opportunity is an understatement. I am elated to be ALIVE and have a second chance to slowly find new pathways to express my thoughts. And for that, I am  truly thankful.  I love that I can once again attempt to express my wonder for life. SO HERE I AM, GOD! hunting and pecking every stroke I can manage. And for that small favor, I am forever indebted. I am doing it with all my blood, sweat, and so many tears of frustration and joy. Thank you, God, for giving me the next step to take.   And thank you for the encouragement to take it.

Now that I have arrived at this place of understanding, I want to share with you these five thoughts that have been reminders for me:

1. If you are breathing, make it count.
2. Care about how you feel.
3. Live in hope.
4. Look forward to where you are going.
5. Bask in the deliciousness of now.

And you need to have these three words burned into your mind.  You will need them to move on to your next step (even when you don’t want to.) They became the mantra I repeated over and over again (even when I didn’t believe it) … YES, I CAN.

It did not matter what the question was.  I promised myself I would answer, “Yes, I can.”

“Janice, can you get dressed by yourself? Yes, I can.”

“Janice, can you tie your shoe?  Yes, I can.”

“Janice, can you find your other sock? Yes, I can.”

My answer was and is always the same…  “Yes, I can.”

I am now walking without a walker. And because I am breathing, I make it count. I care about how I feel. There is no time to complain or feel sorry for myself and ask, “Why me?” I have too many fabulous moments to enjoy that will make my life happier.  I look forward to the next one.  And I love where I am going and where I am right now. It has been a long time since I slowed down long enough to bask in the deliciousness of who I have become. I like being called toward my next step. And I joyfully take it!

YES, I CAN! … AND SO CAN YOU!